Skip to main content

An Unapologetic Skeptic

I do not think I've ever been in love. I have had feelings for people. Some fleeting, some more long standing. I don't really know what people mean when they say they are in love or that they love someone. I won't define my feelings as love. Cause for me love is something much much greater like it has to be. It can't be this easy or this tangible. I have seen, rather experienced, some people fall in love in a jiffy and some take their time.

Everyone who apparently knows me says that I'm scared. Afraid to admit I'm in love. But it's not that. It's just that I expect it to be something magnificent. Something beyond my imagination. Something larger than everything I have seen or felt so far. Which also explains why I don't believe it when someone says they love me. Cause it sounds all bullshit. Like yeah, sure you do until you decide you don't anymore. Fleeting feelings. I'm an unapologetic skeptic.

I imagine once I fall in love that would be it for me. I imagine it to be something so pure, something so beyond the mortal discrepancies, something so unaffected by the worldly pleasures or the lack of it, something indescribable, just something completely whole on its own without any possibility of being tarnished or changed. And this inadequate description is perhaps not even 1/10th of what I wish it to be, what I want it to be, what I imagine it to be.

Mind is such a dynamic place. One moment you're so close to someone you can't imagine life without them and the next you could be two strangers with a mere history. Which makes me wonder how significant is all of this? A thing is only as simple or complicated as you make it. A person is only as important as you allow him to be. Controlling the mind is an art. An art that I'm trying to master.
Expectations. Ah, another major killjoy in all of our lives. I think expectations break more relationships (and I just don't mean the romantic kind) than anything else. It's like a cycle.

                                                 Expect. Hope. Disappoint. Repeat.

I remember a someone telling me this, that things change in a cataclysmic way once expectations float in. And later in life, I've realized how very true that is. I'd a friend once. We used to be the best of friends. She expected something from me, and I wasn't able to meet up with that. And I expected something of her, and she wasn't able to stand up to it. We both were disappointed. Disappointment killed something in each of us. We are friends now but nothing will ever be the same. Actually, more like mere acquaintances now if I have to be really honest.

As we grow up, with each passing day there is a new lesson to learn. In the end, people will do what they want to do, what they have to do. It all comes down to priorities in the end. If you want to be happy, then makes yourself your priority. If you make someone a priority then be ready to disappointed cause somewhere deep down you expected them to do the same.

We all have an inbuilt mechanism of making excuses. Excuses for every mistake we make or don’t make. Excuses are like those math problems in school, where you climb 5m/min up the pole but fall down 3m/min at the same time. Excuses pull you down from the potential growth. But we all make excuses. Cause excuses are easy. Help with the guilt, help with the keeping the conscience apparently clean. Which is of no use, really. Cause what is the point of hiding the truth from yourself? If you are a bad person, at least admit it to yourself. Only then can you change for the better.

All along in school, we were taught the importance of being selfless. Being selfish is bad. Bla blah. But you have to be selfish. If you aren't then who is gonna care for you, but you? For the night is dark and full of terrors. And there is no night's watch. You're your own guard.

People are like floating bubbles, sometimes your circles may overlap and you are in each other's life. Some stay short, some stay longer. But separation is inevitable. Cause that’s the cardinal rule.

Life is too short for anger, hatred, violence, and all the negativity. Forgive for your own peace of mind. Forget to make up space in your mind.

Lastly, pessimism is the best. It will never disappoint you cause either you are always right or pleasantly surprised.

[All this cause winter is here and the wait is LONG. Also, the wall broke.]  



Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Switzerland on a Budget : How I Flew Round Trip for just 25000 Rupees and other facts !!

Yes, you read it right. I've had to book last-minute one-way domestic tickets for 14000 INR, so even I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw the round-trip ticket price from Bombay (India) to Geneva (Switzerland) -- JUST 25500 INR.  How did I manage to pull this seemingly impossible feat? I flew with Kenya Airways (the pride of Africa) from Bombay to Nairobi to Geneva. I was a bit skeptical about the airlines (especially after the Ethiopian Airlines incident in march 2019) and I'd googled for reviews after booking the tickets (smart, no?).  The reviews were mixed but after having flown with it I can honestly say that it is a wonderful airline! Good food, entertainment, and tangy lemon moisturizer on board (my hands get super dry while flying)....life jhingalala!! And also I booked the tickets almost 3 months in advance. Total Budget ?70,000-80,000 INR. Duration? 7-8 days.  Visa? You need to apply for Schengen visa either directly at the Switzerland embassy in New Delhi or via…

Switzerland (Un)Explored, Italy (Un)Touched - Switzerland Itinerary (Part 1)

This July I was supposed to head to Kenya with my family but somehow that didn't work out (my sister didn't get her passport on time because of the cyclone Fani. See how it's all linked?) and I ended up going to Switzerland instead. Whatta luck! :D 
Switzerland had been a far off dream of mine, up until I saw the roundtrip ticket fare from Bombay to Geneva to be 25000 INR. I mean, that seemed too good to be true. I didn't think twice and just booked the tickets impulsively. (To read more about the amazing deal click here!!)  So, over the next few months, I got my Visa ready, booked hostels, and noted the places I definitely wanted to go to. (Although maximum credit to my mausi/aunt for finding the most wonderful and offbeat places, I loved them!)
My flight was scheduled at 4.45 PM from the Chhatrapati Shivaji International Airport in Bombay. It was my first tormenting experience with the infamous Bombay rains. I left my cousin's place in Navi Mumbai at around 10.30-11…

My One On One Encounter With Cyclone Fani That Has Devastated Odisha As We Know It

Cyclone Fani | 3rd May 2019 | Bhubaneswar, Odisha, India



I remember waking up that morning and looking out of the window at the swaying trees. Slowly one by one they all fell down. After a while, the wind stopped blowing. Everything came to a standstill. We thought the cyclone had passed. Little did we know that it was the calm before the storm. Or as my little sister sang, "Yeh to trailer hai, pura film dikhane aayi."

The wind returned, at least 3 times mightier than before (200kmph we later learned). This time it was scary af. The glass windows were rattling as if any minute they would burst, the entire house was shaking and then we heard a loud sound as the asbestos roof of the staircase landing fell with a spine chilling thud. 

We were saved by mere minutes.



Because we had gone to the roof to get a better look at the surrounding. We were immensely lucky that the asbestos didn’t fall on us. Hours went by but the cyclone showed no sign of stopping. The wind was making a whistl…